What’s up with me?
17 Nov 2010Hay Internet,
I put down blogging for a while because it became apparent that I had little to say that is relevant outside my circle of friends. Struggling to fill this space, I found myself turning idle musings into statements of belief with conviction for the sake of sounding interesting. The truth is I have hardly any real opinions for which I could muster some conviction, and there are few things I can speak about with authority. I’m getting old now, and I just want to embrace authenticity and drop the know-it-all teenager act.
But, I like to exercise my imagination and writing muscles. The blog maybe isn’t the ideal format for me, but I’ll keep it around while I figure out something better.
I’ve also been busy. For reasons I don’t fully understand, I am on a quest to become really good at making video games, or more broadly, art. I’ve been at it since I was about twelve (before that I wanted to be a paleontologist or a ninja turtle). I’ve always spent most of my free time working towards my career goals. It has been an escape from social anxiety and depression, but it is also gratifying. I am a pretty good video game engineer these days. I have made some cool game demos and major contributions to games. I have worked with teammates I adore and respect. It has been all-consuming, and it has made me a little tired and atrophied parts of me I miss using.
But! I’m only twenty-seven. Many people my age are just finishing school. I am a couple months away from finishing a game on which I am a lead engineer. I am immensely proud of it and the team. It sounds like rhetoric, but it has really made me a better person. I suddenly feel easy-going and optimistic. I’m not sure what I will do next, but it will be fun!